A Place to Heal

This may contain graphic and violent images not appropriate to young audiences, but unfortunately it is true.

We stand after sunset around the labarynth with torches as she sings Sanctuary

Image from http://andychirch.com/labyrinth/

"Lord, teach the children 

To stop the fighting
Start uniting
Live as one
Let’s get together
Love each forever
Sanctuary for you."

All I think of is "I am in a holy place."  So much emotion. So much pain. So much healing was felt here and is felt here now.

The labarynth was built by students from Westside Middle School, Columbine and other schools who came to Ferncliff from 1998-2003 for healing camps and retreats after experienceing school violence.  Rocks from places all over the world hurt by school violence have been placed at the center of this labarynth.  Christina who was in class the day of the Columbine shooting is singing this song at the labarynth she helped build.

http://andychirch.com/labyrinth/

All images from http://andychirch.com/labyrinth/

Young children died.  Others who survive are left with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and other mental struggles.  Families now live without children.  Students now grow up having lost best friends, team mates, siblings.

Wednesday April 7, Ferncliff, in partnership with Presbyterian Disaster Assistance hosted a workshop and training for camps across the nation on how they could be active in response to human-violence disasters and school violence in particular. It was attended and lead by Jessica, and Brandy, two Westside shooting survivors who attended the Ferncliff healing camps, Christina from Columbine, Erika daughter of Dawn Hochsprung, former principle of Sandy Hook Elementary School, and Richard Martinez whose son was killed at UC Davis a year ago in California.

I find myself holding sacred the names Natalie and Paige who did not survive the shooting at Westiside.  Images from these stories fill my mind.  I am drawn to tears as I attempt to empathise with the middle school girl stepping over the body of her friend who was just locked arm in arm with her.  A bullet went right by her ear, another hit her pants leg, one hit her friend. Her friend is dead.  She is alive.  Natalie and Paige are dead.  She was twelve.

This scene she described could be taken from Saving Private Ryan and it happened to her in Middle School.  WTF?

Unfortunately we are at a place in this country where school shootings are very common, and although devastating we hear of them so much it is almost becoming normal to hear about it on the news.  We have to do drills in schools on how to react when a shooter comes in.  Schools are preparing for violence as often as they prepare for fires.  WTF?

Why is this ok?  Why is this normal?  Last Wednesday this phenomenon became all too real as I heard survivors of Westside’s shooting tell about that day that changed their lives forever.

http://andychirch.com/labyrinth/

Triggers bring these kids-now-adults back to this place often and emotions control thier lives. It is who they are now.

All of this rings true and deep with me as I sometimes get triggered into a dark place remembering images of my best friend deranged by mental illness stabbing his father in the face before he killed himself.

In my attempt to make sense of it all 1 Corinthians 13 comes to mind. I would like to share some observations from the day interspersed with some scripture that kept playing in my head throughout the day. A song of the scripture is here http://stevelindsley.bandcamp.com/track/greatest-of-these

In general, one on one therapy sessions were not always successful for the children because there wasn't a well established level of trust. One girl spilled her guts out to a therapist in one session and the therapist didn't recognize her on the next visit.  Even an attempt at a summer camp for a similar group of kids in Nevada just last fall, the campers did not trust the counselors and they missed out on some valuable healing conversation.  I cannot express the importance of having someone to talk to about emotional and mental health.  My parents have always recommended finding a counselor.  And I would recommend it.  However trust is a major consideration especially for children.

And now I will show you a more excellent way.

If I speak in the tongues of men and angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging symbol.  If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowlege and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.  If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love I gain nothing.

Even the experts cannot hold an audience with those that need the most help if they do not have love for the client or at least establish trust.  David and Ferncliff approached the situation with love. That was key. Ferncliff was a place of safety, and a loving space where the survivors could play as kids again.

Granted Ferncliff didn’t just have love and leave it at that.  They also did their homework.  David was in constant communication with leaders in Jonesboro like pastor Jack, and one of the school teachers he knew before he ever reached out to families.  He approached families through these other community leaders.  He found funding through PDA and the Presbytery to sponsor the kids so they wouldn't have to pay to go to a healing camp.  They found professional counselors to train the camp counselors basics for recognizing signs of trauma and PTSD, while also having the professionals there when camp staff couldn't handle a situation.

And it wasn't perfect.  Camp sparked triggers with games in open fields, and a crazy sereies of events that week that brought most of the kids back to the dark spot on the day of the shooting.  One day a girl tripped and fell as they were all walking outside, she cut her wrist, bled on the sidewalk, and due to another condition was sent home early in an ambulance, to no longer be with them (for camp).  All the unforseen events on a Tuesday was spookily reminescent about the day of the shooting and most everyone was triggered back into that traumatic state of mind.  It was a hot mess as they recalled.

Love is patient, love is kind.  It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  

It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  

Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts. Always hopes always perserveres.

http://andychirch.com/labyrinth/

Jessica said, "They didn't talk to us like we needed to be 'fixed,' They just held us."  I think when it all comes down to it the essentials for healing is a community of love and support.  That is what all of the images of Ferncliff as a healing retreat space, and the experience of these kids was.  And even some of the kids who did not go to therapy or come to Ferncliff never found that community of love and support in which to heal and according to their neighbors at the conference they are heavily involved in drugs, alcohol, or other harmful coping measures, which the individuals recieving support avoided.

It's likely just a loving household who supports me is the only thing that separates me from most people in jail.

Erika found that community of love in others who "just get it" when she was invited to speak in DC about gun safety.  A guy named Chris was her mentor. He told her to speak to a politician. He told her it would be hard and they wouldn't listen, but she should keep saying, "You should listen to me because my mother is dead."  She's been able to heal better than her neighbors because she is in a community of support where she is comfortable to grieve, talk about her mother, and take action.  Not all people after a tragedy have this support or open space because our society has trouble encouraging people to talk about it.

I would be lost without the YAV community, and my family and friends as I've been dealing with the tragic loss of my friend Gus.

Camps can provide a great space for healing because of the community where everyone is loved, accepted and celebrated for who they are no matter what they've been through.  That's just what camp counselors do.  That is how we can change the world, that is how we can sucessfully cope with tragic loss-----LOVE.

So what do we do about it?
1.  We can take on the big problems by campainging for better mental health, better gun control, getting more people gun locks, teaching more people gun safety.  We can treat gun violence like a public health problem and drop all the crap about the right for all people to carry assault rifles protected by the second ammendment.

Kids are dead.  We need to do something as a nation.  The NRA can get back to promoting gun safety before gun access.

2.  We can start loving each other, our kids, our neighbor's kids, our friends at school.  It sounds silly beacuse we learned to "love your neighbor" when we were kids but these Westside kids showed me how important that really truly is.  We can create places of love and support and prevent these things from happening. We can be a sanctuary.  "And I will show you a more excellent way" Paul writes---LOVE.